Category: Local News (page 1 of 1)

Jonny Fairbanks, toddler and tyrant of the Fairbanks family, has declared a household emergency over the kitchen cookie jar.

By fiat, all cookies are to be removed from the jar and placed at an easily reachable height for a toddler.

Today, the first trailer for Frozen 2 has been released. In it, you can see a mountain of ice and snow grow taller and taller while the sung phrase “Let it go” is repeated over and over again in a crescendo until it’s practically being screamed.

As the camera climbs to the top of the mountain, the music stops and the screen goes black. Elsa then lights herself up with ice magic at the summit and whispers, “Where is your God now?” before Fall Release flashes across the screen.

Today, Dan Carls, a 34 old man from Nebraska has sworn after coming into the office late this morning that next year’s Super Bowl will not be as disappointing as this year’s.

Without being able to control the teams there, the scores, or even the commercials, Carls has decided that he will at least eat double the amount of chicken wings next year.

On Tuesday, Maddie Kaplan, a 24 years old customer service rep, committed suicide while at her job.

She was on the call with a customer, John Karston, who was 15 minutes into accusing Kaplan of poisoning his dog when she asked him to wait just a second.

Mania descended on an Athens, GA, office Wednesday morning after a new brand of coffee was made in the office pot. All work stopped as office employees gathered in small groups of two or three to whisper about the radical change and their discontent.