Jonny Fairbanks, toddler and tyrant of the Fairbanks family, has declared a household emergency over the kitchen cookie jar.
By fiat, all cookies are to be removed from the jar and placed at an easily reachable height for a toddler.
“Mom said. Mom said. I could have a cookie yesterday. She said!” Jonny said. “I ate all my dinner and then no cookie! No cookie! Mom a liar! I want cookies now!”
The rest of his statement was indecipherable screams mixed with tears.
“He normally can have one cookie if he eats all his dinner,” said mother, Andrea Fairbanks. “But yesterday he lost his cookie privilege when he flushed the tv remote down the toilet after Netflix stopped auto-playing Bugs, Babes, and Boogers.”
Critics say that Jonny’s declaration of a household emergency is an overreach of executive child power and are trampling over the household constitution.
“The parents are supposed to control the cookie distribution,” said father, Thomas Fairbanks. “We have a responsibility to limit this kind of overreach and ruining of the household. I’m willing to give him a couple cookies to stop him crying, but the whole cookie jar is too much.”
Thomas Fairbanks then ended the interview saying he had important work business to attend to and went out to his car to smoke a cigarette.
Supporters see the situation otherwise. “I see no problems with declaring a household emergency and support Jonny unilaterally. There has been an egregious threat to the security of cookies in the home and Jonny wants to fix that. I will do nothing to stop him,” said Mitch McConnell, Senate Majority Leader and Jonny’s Great-Uncle in Law.
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